I am known to be a pack mule.

Mommy's purse basically carries everything that you may ever need - from Barbie's lost pink shoe to graham crackers from three years ago that have been crushed into crumbs which are held inside plastic packaging that lies, saying it tastes delicious. No, they don't. They likely taste like stale toe jam.

Anyhow, I digress.

A few months ago, Dave and I were searching online at new products on www.Thinkgeek.com when I saw this little beauty.

I knew I HAD to have it. I proclaimed my intent to receive it on FaceBook. I called out the fact that I NEEDED it and it would be PERFECT to cart all the crap around for other people that I normally do in my purse.

Truth?

The sucker is just too big. It is the biggest messenger bag that I have EVER owned. I took it with me to church on Sunday to give it a test drive before committing to moving all the crap and crumbs over from my ChrisYulKwanzaCkah purse.

It was just too large.

And so now, I am determined to release my messenger bag back into the Wilds where --- oh feck that. I'll just wrap it up and give it to my oldest daughter who turns 14 this April, for her birthday! She was literally drooling over it when I took it out of the box anyway, so I know she'll just be jumping for absolute joy.

And for me? I bought myself at $13.00 black patent leather purse that still fits everything it did before. There's just no dancing gingerbread and holiday decor plastered all over the side of it. I even threw the graham cracker dust bag into the new purse to show I was committed to the change.

I'm such a good mom. Some days.

I've Been Busy

Salutations!

My Life as a Suburban Goddess has been extraordinarily busy the last five years. I started this blog as a way to talk out thoughts and feelings and just generally assure myself and the friends who read it that I hadn't dropped my basket. Yet.

Many things have changed. Some have stayed the same.

My husband Dave is still a web developer.

Our oldest daughter, Alli, is coming up on 14 this year. Aishlinn, who was born right before my heart attack, is going to be six in a couple months.

We also had the surprise of a lifetime - trust me, it was a doozy of a good one - with the addition of our son, Albert Alexander. I know it's such a big name for such a little boy; we call him "Xander" instead.

He is the product of a botched vasectomy (Love you, honey) and one egg that escaped. I was six weeks pregnant before I even went into the doctor - I seriously thought I was dying with all the nausea and bloating I was experiencing. I thought for sure my liver was failing. Nope.

The nurse I see for my INR checks told me, "Your INR has been consistently low for the last six weeks. I bet you're pregnant!" I smirked at her and told her "Shaddup". (Because seriously, she and I have that kind of relationship.) After my INR visit - still coming back low - I had my doctor appointment. She did a physical exam. Then I told her my INR nurse's comment. She decided to do a pregnancy test "Just in case". I peed in the cup. Then waited ten minutes. The doctor came back in and said, "Okay, let's take a look here at those te-- OHMY."

My heart stopped for a full three seconds. "What? WHAT?" I was panicked, sweating, and felt hot and cold. I thought for sure I was going to pass out.

The kindly doctor turned the screen towards me, pointing to a yellow highlighted line of words across the screen. "PREGNANT ------ POSITIVE". I nearly did pass out at that point. My vision narrowed to the words on the screen, stunned into silence.

I knew I couldn't get too excited. I could barely drive home. I kept feeling like this was either the best day or the worst day. It was up to me to tell Dave though.

I cornered him upstairs when I got home. "Hey... they know what's wrong with me."

He stopped and sat on the bed. "What's up?"

"Hah... yeah... Guess what? I'm pregnant."

"FUNNY. Really, what's wr-- ," he could see the sincerity in my eyes. I'm sure that the huge-ass smile of disbelief on my face didn't hurt, either.

And so, after many, many, many trips to my Hematologist, the Cardiologist, and the Perinatologist, we were scheduled for a c-section on February 14th, 2013. Yep, our boy is a Valentine's baby.

I am still a Domestic Goddess, as I like to call it; much of it is due to the fact we still have a toddler at home and childcare is expensive. I do enjoy spending time with my kidlets as well, though.

I did my first 5K with a couple friends last summer 2014. I'm still happy with myself and my body, but I know I can always be healthier, however, I'm in better health than I was five years ago.

Instead of harassing the people on the Interwebs, I now bug my childrens' teachers, write and edit fanfiction for random fandom friends, and occasionally dream of being able to sit down to finish writing something besides a ten minute post that I can ONLY do because Xander is sleeping. After I put another load of laundry in. Or figure out what needs to come out of the freezer to defrost so my family doesn't starve. Fat chance of that - literally.

I was abducted by aliens!

Just kidding.

I think we all know and realize that time flies when you are having fun...and sometimes not so much fun.

For the past two months, Dave's been getting used to the new schedule - up at 4am, out the door by 5 am to ride the bus to St. Paul for nearly 2 hours. Work for 8.5 hours respectively, and wash, rinse, repeat in the opposite bus order to get home.

I am still getting up with him at 4am.

We are both exhausted.


However, wedding planning still moves forwards. We've had a couple adventures and a few moments since June:

• We went to WineHaven (Chisago City, MN) & Eichtens (Center City, MN) and enjoyed a day of food and wine tasting. Eichtens raises their own buffaloes and cows and make their own FABULOUS Gouda cheeses and buffalo summer sausages amongst their delicious bistro/cafe and shop area. WineHaven happened to have a wine tasting the same day we headed out to Eichtens.... and so we tried a few varieties. We've already decided to get the Honey Wine and the Merlot from there for the wedding.
• Dave, Alli, and myself headed out to Howard Lake, MN for the 3rd Annual Garlic Festival; put on by the MN Sustainable Farming Association. They did a wonderful job and we enjoyed things ranging from
• demos from Minneapolis area chefs that work with the understanding of sustainability,
• belly dancers (not what I'd have thought - a few white chicks doing some pop music moves, more power to 'em - I've seen REAL traditional belly dancing though...),
• kids games & art, garlic ice cream (YUM), fresh raw gourmet garlic (It BURNED!)

Then... we hit the MN State Fair this last weekend. On Sunday early morning, we headed out on the Southwest Transit to the fairgrounds. It was a long day full of sunburn, good food (elk burger, porcupine meatballs, beef sticks, funnel cake, cheese curds, strawberry smoothy), and needing more water than I got which resulted in my crabbiness for about an hour. Yes, poor Dave. lol

We saw most of a wood chopping competition, walked around one end and saw the skate park portion with guys on bikes, hunted down food favorites (cheese curds), and waited in line for Sweet Martha's Cookies for about 15 minutes. Well worth the wait. It was fun to see the sights and smell the wonderful foods.


We also hit the Little Farmhands area for kids. Cute! Alli got to put on an apron and pick up some corn kernels, and 'feed the cows', 'milk the cows', drive the hay on the 'tractor' - John Deere of course, and 'grow' vegetables.
Here, we have Alli and Daddy. They gave the kids free John Deere sun visors made from a foamy material and emblazoned with their symbol.

Seriously, they had sunflowers that were REAL
and taller than Alli! Heck, they were even taller than me.













We also went to the Eco Experience - where Dave had been working for most of that week previously. Since Dave works for the Pollution Control Agency, he offered his volunteer services to help out at the Eco Experience photo booth - essentially, he was the 'man behind the curtain' running the technology aspect and making sure that as people came through, had their photo taken with signs saying why they promised to bring their own bag, and made sure that those pictures showed up on the Reduce.org website.

As a momento....

All said, we probably spent about two hours just going through the Eco Experience. Sustainability is something that everyone should think about. Compost when you can - we live in a townhouse and we are looking for ANY way that we can do that. We have been recycling and separating as needed with all our waste as well for a while already, but still, you feel like there's always more you can do to contribute to a healthy Mother Earth.




Alli, hugging Bernie the Burn Barrel at Eco Experience. Bernie tells people how bad for the environment burning your garbage is. He has a lot to say about keeping the environment and air clean and clear - and that just because your parents and grandparents did it - doesn't make it right!






In other news...
We finally met with my friend and the caterer, Josh, this week. Wonderful meeting. Unfortunately I think we made it a tad too long - I didn't get his email about his wife feeling poorly and could we make it a short meeting until the day AFTER. I sure felt like an ass. Sorry Joshy! My email at work apparently dislikes me intensely - but only SOMETIMES.

Thursday night this last week was Alli's Open House. She's heading into Second grade and frankly, her teacher seemed nice, but I'm a bit worried about Alli and her Math skills that we worked SO hard on last year... and haven't used much of this last summer. Her reading is perfectly fine though as she loves to read anything and anywhere.

Time will tell I suppose.

Dave and I went on our first date in about a month last night. To the Claddagh Pub in Maple Grove. It was wonderful! The food was plentiful and delicious - melt in your mouth good. Dave had a drunken steak that was a prime piece of meat with Jameson whiskey. I had the more mellow but still fantastic and homey shepherd's pie. Accompanied by a Guinness for myself and a Newcastle Nut-brown Ale for Dave, it was truly an enjoyable dinner only made better by our dessert of Tipsy Bread Pudding. Yum!

Afterwards, we headed out to the local mall to have our ring fingers resized - I'm a 7, and he's an 11.5. I'm putting it in print so he doesn't argue with me later right before we order our rings. lol

Anyways, we need to get the invitations printed out tonight and things addressed. We need the RSVPs by October 6th and are offering the option of RSVPing online or by phone, or lastly, by snail mail.

Still so much to do, but we are looking forward to it!

End of School Year Notes

Alli, practicing her spelling words. Yes, even in first grade they now apparently have spelling tests!

Just a couple things to brag about, seeing as I feel we are so fortunate to have our little girl:

* Alli is showing reading and comprehension above 2nd grade level

* She is meeting her Math skills and most of the comprehension things they start teaching in 1st grade. Considering we were really worried about her lack of aptitude with Math in the middle of the year, Dave has spent a wondrous amount of time and devised countless study tactics to help her. Apparently it's paid off! :)



And a couple months ago, I thought it was hilarious when Alli decided to take some old monster Ziploc bags that were empty and play with them. Talk about recycling!

She said that She was "going to the Fuuuuttuuuurreeeeeee!!" Can't you tell that the hanger is her steering wheel?

For some reason, it reminded me of Conan O'Brien's skit "In the Year 2000" where the guy in the background is singing that phrase in a the high falsetto voice.

We actually decorated the inside of the "helmet" and "space ship" with red circles that are all "buttons" that help her drive. It was so flippin' cute!

Due to her cardboard playtime, Dave keeps telling Alli and I that this Yule/Christmas will be a "Cardboard Christmas". Kids are kids are kids. Give most of them bubble wrap or cardboard boxes... wrapping paper, ribbons, and bows... and they are happy enough to sit for hours with just themselves for company. As any parent knows! :)

Mother's Day (late!)

Okay, so it's a bit late, but I have to say, after suffering a miscarriage right around her 7th birthday, my little pumpkin was sure to keep giving me hugs and kisses whenever I moved towards her for one or two. Well on Mother's Day, Dave and Alli let me sleep in. At one point I went to the potty, and had to walk by her bedroom door. In her doorway, I saw this beautiful sign that she wrote ALL BY HERSELF! She spelled everything correctly and it brought absolute tears to my eyes. Such a sweetie!

Updates

Things have healed much here. :) We are focused on the future and the near wedding.

Dave has also had a job offer from the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency. So, yippee! A continual income instead of the contracting will be a huge benefit to our family. Also helps that he's getting paid WAY more than peanuts. *G*

The downside is that I'll be assuming all pick up and drop off for Alli during this summer AND when she starts up school again in the Fall. This means that my schedule is now changing from 7:30am to 3:30pm, Monday through Friday to 8:00am to 4:30pm Monday through Thursday, and working 8am-2pm on Fridays. I won't be able to flex a lot of time, but at least Alli and I can have our Friday afternoons/evenings together this summer and do mommy-Alli stuff.

Dave will be taking the bus from Minnetonka to St. Paul which means he'll be leaving extra early and coming home barely before 6pm each night. More of the daily routines will be my responsibility - getting dinner on the table, helping Alli with homework, etc. - whereas before they were shared. It'll be a hard adjustment, but nothing I haven't already done as a single mom before. And Dave, you better read this and realize that just because you are working outside the home doesn't mean you're excused from HELPING! So there! :P

And onto the wedding/handfasting planning. Oy! Who knew napkins and linens were so expensive? Probably every other woman who's done wedding planing.

It's all in the details, you know? Each person's table setting is going to amount to around $10 each - including glass goblets, coffee cups and saucers. Don't forget the coffee pouring items, and the salad forks tongs, the wicker bread bowls, and OHMYGOSH, don't forget the TENT and sidewalls! We'll also need a tent heater, and while we're at it, crap, we might as well find a generator to beg, borrow, or rent. *L*

So yes, it's been exciting. We have an appointment to see Aarcee Tent and Party Rental
on Monday at 5:30pm. Because of Dave's analytical nature, I even made a spreadsheet detailing everything. Holy buckets. There's way more than I anticipated. I will say this though: the price isn't nearly as bad as I thought for what we've listed so far.

Anyways, Alli starts summer camp on June 12th, Dave starts his new job on June 11th, and the fun really starts then.

27 weeks to go

Now that the room has stopped spinning and I can eat peanut butter related items again, I'm just having to deal with the fatigue. Which is normal - and believe me, I'm not complaining! Just stating a fact.

I remember when I was prego with Alli that I used to fall to sleep and it would take a foghorn in the ear to wake me up. Exhaustion was my constant companion then.... but it's mild now compared to what I remembered. Still, I'm old. I turn 29 on Sunday. Alli turns 7 on the 18th of April. Which brings me to remember what it was like when she was born and how I'm preggers again. Oy.

When Alli was born, it was by emergency c-section and I was about 27 weeks with pre-eclampsia and HELLP. She emerged at just about 1 pound, 11 and 1/2 ounces. Talk about traumatic for us both!

And so now, nearly 7 years later, I look back on her birth and promise myself and my family that this time should not be nearly so traumatic or dramatic. According to my perinatologists, I have only a 25% chance to develope pre-eclampsia again, and that knowing about any predisposition means that we are armed to take better care this time. I think a large factor that is in my favor this time is that Dave isn't asking for a divorce when I'm 6 months pregnant (as my ex husband did). *L* Stress is never good, let alone when you're pregnant. Go figure.

But... so far all is well and normal. I have my Level II ultrasound in about 6 weeks to check for additional possible issues and do a really COOL 3D picture of the baby. We should also be able to see something as to the gender as well. I'm pretty darn excited this time - Alli was a surprise, but I am too old for surprises. *L* I want to know what gender it is so we can plan ahead. No fun you say? Oh well. I have enough surprises daily with my 7 year old.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

I am exactly 8 weeks pregnant today. I have no fear in sharing this as I went to see my Perinatologist for the first time this morning.

They performed a trans-vaginal ultrasound ... lo and behold! A baby with a heartbeat of 164 beats per minute was clearly visible!!

This was entirely a surprise and completely unplanned - in fact, Dave and I have been working in the OPPOSITE direction as I was on Coumadin (which crosses the placenta - no good) and according to my Hematologist he wanted me to wait until this summer to go back on the Lovenox (safe for baby, pregnancy good).

Luckily, although I went into the doc about 4 weeks ago because I thought I had a urinary tract infection and they diagnosed me as pregnant, I haven't had any issues. Praise the Gods. No bleeding, no cramping; just nausea and the occasional minor headache..... and FOOD CRAVINGS that have been driving Dave nuts. *L*

Seriously? I was craving chilli and ate a whole can for lunch yesterday. It was SO GOOD. And I paid for it by feeling stuffed for 7 hours until I ... well...let's just say the juice helped me out with getting rid of that bloated and miserable feeling. *L*

According to my Perinatologist, Dr. Fairbanks (a lovely, well-organized physician, very caring and astute) even though I'm considered to be high risk due to previous pre-eclampsia with Alli, and my blood disorder issues, she was reassuring when I asked her what my chances of full term birth were and she looked me in the eye and said "I would say you have a 98% likelihood of having a happy, healthy baby." I then asked if it was okay to tell people and she said "I don't see why not! A heartbeat is a wonderful thing." It put my mind at ease and put me on guard for taking care of myself - which between Dave and myself, we've been doing quite a good job. :)

He loves me so much...he's been making dinner for the last month - letting me ly down on the couch and catch a 15 minute snooze while he preps dinner, and then runs to pick up Alli from the bus. When he and Alli return, he then completes dinner prep and has been taking care of the kitchen for the most part. My HERO! :)

We finally told Alli tonight and she is ecstatic about being a big sister. My best friend Kathleen, and my other friends Beckah, Jenn, Sheila, etc.... they were all told and are excited for us as well.

It's funny when you think about it though. I'm due October 7th. Dave's birthday is October 9th. Even if they decide to schedule me for an early c-section, my sister's birthday was September 21st.... which made me pause. :) And then we are still getting married November 1st. Oy! So MUCH to do this year - and I haven't even gotten into how my little brother, Alex, who's 19 this November is going to moving in with us this summer and staying for the length of Le Cordon Bleu cooking program...or longer.

I'm looking forward to the challenges this year is going to be bringing. Aren't you? *L*

Kisses

We have special kisses in our family when it comes to goodnight kisses...and we have just added a new one.

First, we have the "puppy kiss", where you basically fake your family member out like you are going to give them a kiss on the cheek, and instead you stick out your tongue and lick them like a puppy would. This kiss was courtesy of Grandpa Gary and Aunty Kathleen.

Next, we have "vacuum kisses". These were invented by Dave; where basically you suck in air close to the person's face, thus creating a bit of a vacuum pull. It tickles. *G*

Then, there's there are "zombie kisses". This is ALL Dave's invention again. He loves horror and zombie movies so he created a fun kiss for Alli where he pretends to gnaw on the top of her head while mumbling "Mmmm gooooooooood brains! Me like brains!" Of course, she giggles and laughs heartily.

Well, tonight, mommy invented a new kiss. The "chicken kiss" where you pretty much peck kisses on the person's cheek/face like a chicken would peck at corn. Yay, me! I finally came up with one .... and luckily she laughed in enjoyment. Tee hee hee!

May you hold your little ones close and invent new kisses and ways to make them giggle into sweet dreams! :)

"Wow, You're really letting your Geek flag fly with that bag..."

... so said one of my co-workers today, commenting on my "Dumbledore's Army" messenger bag. Yes, I AM that nerdy. And paired with a "Dumbledore for President" pin... well, the ensemble was complete!

Anyways... not too much new here. Alli was diagnosed with strep throat on Tuesday thanks to Urgent Care. Yay! She stayed home and bugged Dave Wednesday.... and seems to think if she's good enough, she just might get the Mario RC kart from ThinkGeek. Hm. Who possibly gave her that idea, honey? *Stares Dave down*

Ahh well...it's working as a bribe for now.

I started my Lovenox shots today (YAY!), meaning Dave and I can mambo 'til we drop and conception is a GOOD thing now. I'm taking down the baby-making ticker and replacing it with a wedding one until I have good news about a "wee bairn" to share. I have a doc appt on the 23rd for lab, to make sure the Lovenox dosage they have me on is enough, and then again on the 27th for a full check-over. THEN, on this Monday, I have my yearly fondle and scrape. *shudders* At least I don't have to turn my head and cough. Ain't NO ONE puttin' nothin' up my a$$. It has a sign that proudly hangs above stating quite clearly, "Exit Only".

My honey has ordered my laptop. YAY! Set for arrival at the end of the month. And we finally agreed on a beautiful, but not horribly expensive engagement ring. Yes. I promise to take good care of it.

And last weekend, we finally told my parents. Ahhh lovely Quarry Days weekend....
They seemed happy, showering us with congratulations. We'll see how long it takes before they try to cause issues - although they did agree that we can use their commercial kitchen for our caterers, Chefs Naturally.

It'll be all good. Right?

Magick Points

Dave and I have implemented a system where Alli can earn "Magick Points" - it's basically trying to teach herself self-control, and internal checks and balances.
He's taught her breathing techniques to help her curb her attitude and the yelling that's been happening for the past few months that we were at a loss as to how to deal with it. It's been working, somewhat.

Each time Alli can tell us how she used her "magick" to calm herself, help someone out, etc, she earns a point towards a real magick lesson - a small ritual, a lesson on a few herbs, time spent casting and explaining a simple spell (a protection spell would be the first one we should be teaching her).

So far, she has earned and lost, and is currently at zero.

Eventually she will have to learn some self control if she wants to learn what we have to teach....

One can only hope!

And I will say this, for all that I don't discuss rituals and BoS information, I tend to be quite private in my practicing of the Craft. I am more than willing to share information with people face to face, but simply posting it online in a blog, I consider to be most reckless. Spells are spells are spells. All magick should be taught and created with great discretion and safety. So you will not find much in the way of me giving out spells and chants to raise the cone of power in this blog. Just a side note.

Things I Don't Assume

After talking with Matt about Dave adopting Alli, I realized that it's something that Dave and I have never really talked about. I know why I've never brought it up - I didn't want him to feel pressured into doing something he really didn't want to. Although I know Dave loves Alli, right now, another man is footing the child support bill.

I went to talk to Dave in his office after dinner and asked him,"I know we've never talked about it, but DO you want to adopt Alli?" I hastened to add,"You don't have to if you don't want to."

Dave cocked his head to the side and looked at me, asking guilessly,"Why wouldn't I want to adopt her? I'm Daddy to her now, might as well go all the way." He smiled and laughed at me a bit.

I was just kind of floored.

He responded additionally with,"There was never any question that I would adopt her in my mind."

So... apparently, he's already decided he'll be adopting Alli if Matt agrees to it.

Some days, Dave just melts my heart.

The Longer Version (for Beckah)

I got a call from my tax lady, Elyse. My taxes were rejected for e-filing because basically, Matt tried to claim Alli as HIS dependent. (Sure, sure, and PIGS will fly out of his ASS!)

Upset and ticked beyond all belief, I saw the chunky refund check we'd be getting now floating away....beyond my grasp... and thought about the $1800 her daycare is going to cost this summer, the clothes she needs, the new shoes I've been looking for for her...

I called Matt up and left a very calm and civil message on his voice mail after scrounging through old emails for his phone number. (Mind you, he still lives at home, at age 30 with his mother and father and however many cats they have.)

He called me back about a half hour later, beligerantly stating that he's 'always claimed Allison' on his taxes. BULL DOO DOO, I said to him; if 'you claimed her previously, you would have gotten a denial because I have claimed her every year without issue.' I very calmly asked him what made him think he could claim her, he tells me that during our divorce proceedings, he thought our lawyers had agreed he could claim her as his dependent and it should be in the divorce decree. I told him very kindly, I wasn't calling him a liar, but I would need to see what we could find on this since I don't recall EVER agreeing to that.

After that phone call, I made several others - to Dave, to Elyse my tax lady, and to Dave again. Turns out, if I tried to refile, letting Matt claim Alli this year, I would have to pay in $638.00 for federal - which basically means that I paid in over $8000 for daycare last year, taking home between $15,000 and $18,000 - taking additional money out of my check AND I'D STILL HAVE TO PAY.

How sick is that? Really.

So... I went home and rampaged my way through old files looking for my divorce decree - November 14th 2002 we were officially divorced. Did I ever tell you why? Ohhh no? Well let's put it this way - my ex was a traveling district manager for a pre-paid cell phone company who liked to chat online. He ended up falling in love and as far as I can tell, cheating on me WHILE I WAS PREGNANT with some girl he met online. Heh. She was fatter than me, too. Go figure, eh? He asked me for a divorce when I was 6 months pregnant. What a prince.

Dave and I pored over the divorce decree and it stated nothing to the effect of who would be claiming Alli for taxes - although a letter from my lawyer to his told him basically I would be. The follow up response to my lawyer's letter didn't even address the tax claim issue.

I did talk with my best friend, Kathleen - who it just so happens, her father in law is a professional tax man as I like to call him, and she told him what the story was.
He said according to the definition of dependent, the fact I have sole physical custody of Alli and am her sole source of support and nothing was hammered out in the decree, I would be the one with the legal right to claim Alli as my dependent.

Dave and I grappled with what tack to take with Matt - steam roller or sincere honesty. I decided to go for sincere honesty, and if we had to later, Dave would get involved if I couldn't hardtack my ex.

I called Matt back. We were on the phone for more than 20 minutes. I told him what I'd found and that he wasn't eligible to claim her as his dependent and the IRS would be auditing and researching both of us if he did not agree to do an amended tax filing. He said at first "It doesn't matter. The IRS takes whatever return I get and puts it to the back child support." I told him that unfortunately, we don't see that - we see the weekly takings, the $85.xx a week which totals to $344.00 a month and while that helps immensely, it barely covers her daycare during the school months and I was looking at $1800 in childcare costs just this summer.
He growled at me and told me he was broke, and he was barely making ends meet, still living with his parents, and that if he re-did his taxes, he would probably owe.
I explained to him calmly that's what payment plans are for because Gods know I've had to do my fair share of those being a single mom.

He started to get snarky at that point and asked "What about your new husband?"
I assumed he meant Dave and I sighed into the phone, "We are not married yet - we're thinking of next Fall. And contrary to who and what you knew me as when we were married, I am QUITE independent now. Alli is not HIS responsibility, although Dave has offered several times to help out where he can."

Matt got quiet, "Well congratulations. And I don't mean that in an ignorant way."

Again, sighing, "Thank you Matt."

Matt: "Is he going to adopt Allison?"

Me: "That's entirely up to you Matt. You'd have to sign off on the paperwork and we really haven't discussed it because we're not even at that point yet."

At this point, I don't remember what set him off exactly but he started crying and telling me how I kept her from him, and took away his reason for living, and he hadn't seen her in 5 years. I told him, "Come on up Matt. You can see her - I've never knowingly kept you from her. Come up and visit; she's not traveling anytime soon though. And the biggest thing is that she already has her Daddy here...we wouldn't know how to explain you. She's not able to comprehend the situation at this age."
He started in crying again. I feel badly for him - I do - but if he hadn't screwed around with someone else, we might still be married and a family unit, where she might have known or recognized him as her father. This really isn't possible now.

I again repeated the very first portion of our conversation; either he does an amended tax return taking Alli off, or I file with her as my dependent as I'm allowed to, and the IRS does it's research; I guarantee they will still be sending me a refund, but it'll take a few months longer or more to get here.

Again I reiterated the necessity of the refund Alli and I would be getting back; promising him stubs of what I paid for daycare if he deemed it necessary. I just wanted to get the point across to him that SHE needs this money - for clothes, for daycare, for a new bed...

He turned beligerent, "Well I hope you're happy; you always get what you want. Don't you? I hope you're happy now. I'll try to file that amended paperwork. But I'm broke right now and don't know if I can afford to pay -"

I sighed deeply again,"No, Matt, I don't. I just want you to do what's right. You don't have the benefit to file with her as your dependent. That money is Alli's." I lowered my voice to soften my thanks, "I appreciate you doing this. Thank you."

We ended up disconnecting a few moments later as his voice took on more of a sarcastic, long-suffering tone --- suggesting that he believed I was getting my way again. He did at one point say he was going to talk to a tax lawyer and I encouraged him too - but then again, how could he afford one if he was broke? Wonders never cease. Dave and I are giving him until Thursday. If he doesn't call by then like I requested him to, then I will call him and we will play out the little phone call all over again I'm sure.

Typing this... has exhausted me. But still more to come.

Oh NO you DIDN'T!

Dave has returned into my good graces. Long story short, he spoiled me with lots of time just for us and the family time with us and Alli and it was fabulous. That's the good part.

The incredibly bad part of my day came today when I had H&R Block go and file my taxes.

The IRS rejected my taxes; my return (which was a nice chunk of change) has been put on hold.

Apparently, someone else is trying to claim Alli as a dependent.

I immediately thought of my ex husband - Matt. And boy was I EVER surprised.

I researched to find his number (because we're just such bosom buddies, ya know), and was leaving him a voicemail inside of 20 minutes of finding out he had tried to claim her on his taxes.

He called me back - turns out he's telling me he's always claimed Allison on his taxes - which couldn't be; he would have been rejected like I was today, and that supposedly he's telling me I agreed he could try to claim her as a dependent.
Umm...NO. Would HELL NO be too much?

Seriously, between two phone calls where he alternated between abrasive, civil, tearful, and civil again, we discovered that he screwed up. Big time. And I had to convince him that he DID f*ck up and is taking funds away from Alli and things she needs - like daycare $1800 this summer.

Per my discussion with Dave, we discovered that the custodial parent is to file and claim the dependent on the taxes - unless a previous arrangement has been made, which it has not. Believe me, I pulled my copy of the divorce decree. There is not a WORD stating he gets to claim her. Pfft!

He hasn't seen Alli since 2002 - and he claims I've 'kept her' from him! Puhlease!! He lives in St. Louis, MO. He hasn't been here to see her and I refuse to let her travel alone, let alone out of state without me.

So as it stands now, he either needs to do a tax filing amendment --- OR --- I file by paper and the IRS will research and review both of our taxes and audit as appropriate. He said he would try to file an amendment. *l*

There's more to this story - like the pleading, the congrats on Dave, and adoption of Alli. But those are all best served in another posting.

An ER Story

Alli had her first head trauma Thursday night.

Apparently she had an accident at school and slammed her forehead into a metal bar (I still don't understand how this happened!) and scratched her nose and chin up.

I had a 5:40 doc appt to check my INR and Protime, so I picked up the family to come with so we could head out to dinner afterwards.

Appt went well, so we headed to Boston Market for dinner and I noticed how lethargic she seemed and the size of her HUGE bump on her forehead. She was also complaining about her head hurting, that she had a 'headack' and that she was dizzy. We decided to rather be safe than sorry.

We went to Urgent Care first. They referred us to the hospital.

And so... we went back to Fairview Southdale ER. I'm starting to think of it as home after all the visits these last few weeks. I saw at least 3 nurses last night that I had had when I had been there previously. Even John, the nurse who had to stab me 4 times to get my IV in last Friday was there. I felt like we were family reuniting. *L*

We waited about an hour and a half before they called Alli to go back for a CT scan to make sure there was no bleeding in the brain because the size of the goose egg on her forehead that was frightening.

She loved the cute and fuzzy blue gown we changed her into, and received stickers from a couple nurses, a bendy doll that was a ballerina, and a necklace of metallic green Mardi Gras beads in the shapes of dice. Yes, she was a spoiled - and brave - little girl.

The ER doc confirmed she has a mild concussion and should be watched - if fever, vomiting, or unusual behavior, then take her back into the ER for additional testing.

But yes... she is okay. :) Her first head trauma. What a milestone. *L*

Watch What You Say

The other day I was wiggling my rather large rump into my favorite pair of jeans.

Trust me, these are soft, smoothly worn down jeans from Lane Bryant, size 26, that I've had for the last 4 years. I LOVE THEM.

I was able to wiggle most of my plumpness into the jeans without a problem. I was even able to pull the zipper up without too much of a struggle.

It's when I tried to breathe that I realized my roll was constricted and I couldn't feel my toes. heh.

That's about the time I yelled to Dave, "Honnnnneeeyyyyyyyy! Damn these jeans..." and I sighed and mumbled something about losing 5 or 10 pounds to fit into my favorite jeans as he arrived in the bedroom and took in my gasping form.

On Sunday, we were just hanging around the house - Dave was working, Alli and I were at the kitchen table going over Valentines for her class list.

Out of the blue, Alli tells me "I need to lose some weight, mommy."

This is a 5 year old child. Barely 34 pounds, and about 3 feet tall. Yeah, I think NOT.

I looked at her and asked, "Pumpkin, who told you that?!"

She responded with a shy, "No one."

I tried a different tact; "Where did you hear that from?"

With great trust and adoration she looked directly into my eyes and said, "You."

Shock stopped me short. It was such a simple thing that I'd said, with no reflection about my body image to myself. I don't EVER knowingly talk about body image with Alli. I always reflect to her the fact that I'm happy with who I am.

Dave and I sat down with Alli and explained that mommy just wanted to fit into her jeans; that I am happy with myself and that Alli doesn't need to lose any weight at all. She is just the right size and perfect for our family... no matter what her size, we will love her always.

In her customary wise childlike innocence she smiled and said "Okay." And then she asked for a treat.

Kids.