I got a call from my tax lady, Elyse. My taxes were rejected for e-filing because basically, Matt tried to claim Alli as HIS dependent. (Sure, sure, and PIGS will fly out of his ASS!)
Upset and ticked beyond all belief, I saw the chunky refund check we'd be getting now floating away....beyond my grasp... and thought about the $1800 her daycare is going to cost this summer, the clothes she needs, the new shoes I've been looking for for her...
I called Matt up and left a very calm and civil message on his voice mail after scrounging through old emails for his phone number. (Mind you, he still lives at home, at age 30 with his mother and father and however many cats they have.)
He called me back about a half hour later, beligerantly stating that he's 'always claimed Allison' on his taxes. BULL DOO DOO, I said to him; if 'you claimed her previously, you would have gotten a denial because I have claimed her every year without issue.' I very calmly asked him what made him think he could claim her, he tells me that during our divorce proceedings, he thought our lawyers had agreed he could claim her as his dependent and it should be in the divorce decree. I told him very kindly, I wasn't calling him a liar, but I would need to see what we could find on this since I don't recall EVER agreeing to that.
After that phone call, I made several others - to Dave, to Elyse my tax lady, and to Dave again. Turns out, if I tried to refile, letting Matt claim Alli this year, I would have to pay in $638.00 for federal - which basically means that I paid in over $8000 for daycare last year, taking home between $15,000 and $18,000 - taking additional money out of my check AND I'D STILL HAVE TO PAY.
How sick is that? Really.
So... I went home and rampaged my way through old files looking for my divorce decree - November 14th 2002 we were officially divorced. Did I ever tell you why? Ohhh no? Well let's put it this way - my ex was a traveling district manager for a pre-paid cell phone company who liked to chat online. He ended up falling in love and as far as I can tell, cheating on me WHILE I WAS PREGNANT with some girl he met online. Heh. She was fatter than me, too. Go figure, eh? He asked me for a divorce when I was 6 months pregnant. What a prince.
Dave and I pored over the divorce decree and it stated nothing to the effect of who would be claiming Alli for taxes - although a letter from my lawyer to his told him basically I would be. The follow up response to my lawyer's letter didn't even address the tax claim issue.
I did talk with my best friend, Kathleen - who it just so happens, her father in law is a professional tax man as I like to call him, and she told him what the story was.
He said according to the definition of dependent, the fact I have sole physical custody of Alli and am her sole source of support and nothing was hammered out in the decree, I would be the one with the legal right to claim Alli as my dependent.
Dave and I grappled with what tack to take with Matt - steam roller or sincere honesty. I decided to go for sincere honesty, and if we had to later, Dave would get involved if I couldn't hardtack my ex.
I called Matt back. We were on the phone for more than 20 minutes. I told him what I'd found and that he wasn't eligible to claim her as his dependent and the IRS would be auditing and researching both of us if he did not agree to do an amended tax filing. He said at first "It doesn't matter. The IRS takes whatever return I get and puts it to the back child support." I told him that unfortunately, we don't see that - we see the weekly takings, the $85.xx a week which totals to $344.00 a month and while that helps immensely, it barely covers her daycare during the school months and I was looking at $1800 in childcare costs just this summer.
He growled at me and told me he was broke, and he was barely making ends meet, still living with his parents, and that if he re-did his taxes, he would probably owe.
I explained to him calmly that's what payment plans are for because Gods know I've had to do my fair share of those being a single mom.
He started to get snarky at that point and asked "What about your new husband?"
I assumed he meant Dave and I sighed into the phone, "We are not married yet - we're thinking of next Fall. And contrary to who and what you knew me as when we were married, I am QUITE independent now. Alli is not HIS responsibility, although Dave has offered several times to help out where he can."
Matt got quiet, "Well congratulations. And I don't mean that in an ignorant way."
Again, sighing, "Thank you Matt."
Matt: "Is he going to adopt Allison?"
Me: "That's entirely up to you Matt. You'd have to sign off on the paperwork and we really haven't discussed it because we're not even at that point yet."
At this point, I don't remember what set him off exactly but he started crying and telling me how I kept her from him, and took away his reason for living, and he hadn't seen her in 5 years. I told him, "Come on up Matt. You can see her - I've never knowingly kept you from her. Come up and visit; she's not traveling anytime soon though. And the biggest thing is that she already has her Daddy here...we wouldn't know how to explain you. She's not able to comprehend the situation at this age."
He started in crying again. I feel badly for him - I do - but if he hadn't screwed around with someone else, we might still be married and a family unit, where she might have known or recognized him as her father. This really isn't possible now.
I again repeated the very first portion of our conversation; either he does an amended tax return taking Alli off, or I file with her as my dependent as I'm allowed to, and the IRS does it's research; I guarantee they will still be sending me a refund, but it'll take a few months longer or more to get here.
Again I reiterated the necessity of the refund Alli and I would be getting back; promising him stubs of what I paid for daycare if he deemed it necessary. I just wanted to get the point across to him that SHE needs this money - for clothes, for daycare, for a new bed...
He turned beligerent, "Well I hope you're happy; you always get what you want. Don't you? I hope you're happy now. I'll try to file that amended paperwork. But I'm broke right now and don't know if I can afford to pay -"
I sighed deeply again,"No, Matt, I don't. I just want you to do what's right. You don't have the benefit to file with her as your dependent. That money is Alli's." I lowered my voice to soften my thanks, "I appreciate you doing this. Thank you."
We ended up disconnecting a few moments later as his voice took on more of a sarcastic, long-suffering tone --- suggesting that he believed I was getting my way again. He did at one point say he was going to talk to a tax lawyer and I encouraged him too - but then again, how could he afford one if he was broke? Wonders never cease. Dave and I are giving him until Thursday. If he doesn't call by then like I requested him to, then I will call him and we will play out the little phone call all over again I'm sure.
Typing this... has exhausted me. But still more to come.
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