I'm good at taking tests

Did I tell you dear reader that Dave shaved on Saturday?

No, no, not just a simple trim here and there; he shaved his ENTIRE beard/goatee/fumanchu and mustache OFF.

We're talking gone. No more facial hair.

He had tried to explain to me that when he was working years ago, co-workers used to call him 'baby Dave' because without facial hair, he looked so young. I pooh-poohed him and dared him basically to shave it all off.

HOLY SH&*%&%*$!!!

Mind you, he's MY man and I love him and think he's hot, while other people look at me strangely. Without his facial hair he not only looks younger but I think he's *MAJOR HOT* in MY book. *L*

Seriously, I couldn't look at him straight for more than half a day. The first kiss between us, without him having the beard... was weird. It felt like I was cheating on Dave with.... Dave. He joked, saying "Ahh..we'll have to come up with who's name you call out later, baby." and wiggled his eyebrows at me. I just about fainted. *L*

So we had a nice, physical weekend beginning on Sunday because we couldn't very well be physical at Kathleen & Charlie's house - that's just rude for visitors to fool around in their host's house, in my humble opinion.

Needless to say, Dave & I have been exhausted. hee hee hee.

Well, tonight he tells me grudgingly that I passed the test.

The test for what? I ask him.

He stops and says he doesn't know if he should tell me and I have to promise not to get upset with him and to not take it the wrong way.

I agree, all the while thinking in the back of my head that I messed something up, or he's going to tell me that I have a larger ass than Mercury... it could be anything.

He goes on to tell me that his two previous girlfriends FREAKED OUT when he shaved his beard. As in they told him they hated it and for him to NEVER do it again.

And here I am, LOVING it and thinking he's the hottest thing to rock my world in ever, without the facial hair. No wonder his ego .... and other parts... felt larger this weekend!

Dave is a garbage picker

There was a potluck last Wednesday.

It was decided that I would make granola bars and some No Pudge Fudge Brownies.

Granola bars were made and cooked without issue.

No Pudge Fudge Brownies were in the oven whilst I was working on my parent's website, sitting in Dave's office with him and he was working while listening to music.

I had set the timer.

But I never heard it.

I cremated the No Pudge Fudge Brownies at approximately 8:40 pm on Tuesday night. I was quite PO'ed and felt Dave should have lowered his music. As I quick took them out of the oven, with the scent of misery and burnt fudge dreams in the air, I decided to quickly scrape the pan of what I could and soak it before they hardened up. This I did, and put the charred remains into a piece of random foil and threw it away in the garbage.

Keep in mind, burnt beyond recognition; will taste awful and ashy. In short, nothing good will come of it.

Dave rummages through the kitchen after I've yelled at him for having his music too loud and it burning the brownies. He wonders where I've put them. I tell him they are ruined and are in the garbage.

What does he do?

He goes into the garbage to CHECK.

Secondly, he takes the foil pouch containing the charred remnants OUT of the GARBAGE and starts to check it out, proceeding to EAT part of IT!!!

Men. Boys. Fools. Let's just feed them from the garbage cans from now on I guess. It might save on money.

Ew.

Muffins the Size of a Small Child's Head

My birthday is the 6th. Alli's birthday was Wednesday the 18th; Kathleen's on the 19th, and Kathleen & Charlie's anniversary on the 21st. Oy!

On Wednesday I took a half day off from work to take muffins into Alli's classroom to celebrate her birthday.

They honestly didn't look as big online as they are in reality.
Believe me. I was so frackin' nervous about taking in muffins to 22 kindergartners that I'd never even see, let alone met. I knew cupcakes were expected...or cookies.

To prevent problems I emailed the teacher who said muffins sounded like a wonderful idea. I still couldn't shake the feeling that the muffins might cause a birthday muffin mutiny that would go down in history. It was possible. These kids were capable of anything, in my mind.

Luckily, the kids were WOWed, simply because of the size of the muffins, it was all a success.

Remember when you were little? It was the sheer SIZE of something that got your attention, right? Yeah, well these muffins did the trick. Eighteen chocolate chip, eighteen lemon poppyseed (no, I didn't mention drug testing jokes), and eighteen blueberry. Of course, the chocolate chip went first, and when all was said and done, I only ended up taking 12 muffins home.

Alli had a great time handing them out to her peers though, and their rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday" shows how old I am. They've totally messed with the classic "you look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too" ending.

Happy Birthday to you
Cha Cha Cha
Happy Birthday to you
Cha Cha Cha
Happy Birthday dear Alli
Cha Cha Cha
Happy Birthday to you
HI YA KUNG FU,
WE LOVE YOU PIKACHU!

Yikes.

And of course, when she came home she opened her now much loved Legos Princess Belville stables set, her Littlest Pet Shop monkey 'tomagotchi', and other presents.

On Thursday, April 19th was Kathleen's 28th birthday. We decided to have a joint birthday party on Saturday the 21st, like our tradition has become where her family comes over to her house and we all have dinner and yummy, yummy ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. Who can resist?
I had the ABSOLUTE best Wild Rice soup- EVER that Kathleen made along with some wonderfully fragrant bread. Fresh. NICE.

More Littlest Pet Shop gifts later, and a trip to Wal-Mart (don't say it, PLEASE don't say it lol), we went over to visit my folks on Sunday.

I know I mentioned this before, but I am helping my parents set up their e-commerce site online through Sam's Club for their "Mama's Salsa". Truly awesome salsa. No, I'm not linking to it...yet. It's not even halfway done. Dave is assisting in some key elements - like my lack of knowledge with Corel Paint X and PhotoShop in general. So on Sunday we took some good pictures to play with. Got some real cute ones of my younger brother, Alex, eating chips and salsa with Alli as the "Quality Control" picture.








Cute little buggers, huh? My brother Alex and my daughter Alli are the 'beautiful people' in the family. So why not use them. And so now, after another eventful weekend, I try to gather resources and put their salsa website together. Wish me luck... and Dave luck for not killing me as I interrupt him every 15 minutes. hee hee hee. ;)

Oops Update

Ha!

Good news: On Monday April 16th at about 2pm the Period Fairy came to visit. She stayed for several days. For this, I am grateful. My doctors would have seriously killed me. I would have maimed myself at the very least. No successful baby-making until I've had 3 more cycles.

And... more good news. We got Dave's chromosomal tests back from Methodist Hospital. He has ALL normal chromosomes! YAY! This means that there's really no reason why we can't have a normal baby with 1 head, 10 fingers, 12 toes... wait...? what?? There's only supposed to be 10 fingers and 10 toes??

Alli... let me count those again.... ;)

even my eye lashes are exhausted

We had a long, fun, interesting weekend where I played tech support to my second parents, Gary & Linda who are Kathleen's dad and mom that have known me since middle school when we moved to Sandstone. I also played computer support for my parents (no, really, don't ask; it involves helping them complete their website and them having malware on their PC). And then we have Kathleen who bought a 5.1 speaker set up and we realized no, she doesn't have a 5.1 soundcard. Oy. My aching head. *L*

Some highlights from the past few days:

I sat down and had a frank talk with Linda about 'the planning' - and if I haven't mentioned it, Dave and I have started looking into what options we have for our Wiccan/Pagan ceremony and any kind of reception. Mind you, there's no ring yet and no, I'm not bitter. It'll happen when least expected. Or he'll forget and remember at the last minute before we actually get married to actually ASK ME and present the shiny bauble.

Anyways, I explained to Linda about how Dave and I are not Christians... which, she kind of blanked for a second and asked what we believed in. I gave her the version of "We're pagan" to forestall any further questions. Sometimes, you just don't want to use the "W" word because, inevitably, it leads to those lovely cliched questions like "Do you worship the Devil?" And I get tired of sighing deeply and gathering my patience to say, "NO! The Devil is a Christian invention!!! HONEST!!"

I can almost guarantee that 95% of the people who will attend the 'reception' will have no clue what we believe in, only thinking that Dave and I are somewhat eccentric. Funny stuff, that.

My Birthday

I turned 28 today - this evening, if memory serves, at about 6:50pm.

I don't really feel any older at this moment than I did this morning. Over the years I've learned not to expect too much. I mean, it's not like I woke up this morning to streamers and balloons and a massive rheumatoid arthritis flare up. *L*

No. I woke up, greeted the morning with a smile as I listened to Dave snoring so loud he shook the bed. Then I got dressed as usual, knowing that I only had to work a half day. Sheer joy.

One of the gals at work made me a yummy-licious chocolate cake with rainbow sprinkles. I made sure that someone else cut it as I'm still recovering from a small cold/flu that hit me up last week and didn't want to contaminate the cake today. Other friends at work brought over helium balloons and put more goodies in my easter bucket, and even brought me a present or two. Sweet, sweet people! Thank you ladies! ;)

I came home around noon, grabbed Alli and we returned to work as 'visitors' so Alli could have her yearly visit with the people I work with and act all shy and retiring. Wouldn't you know I couldn't make her stop talking all the way home. lol

Dave of course told me that in addition to the Doc Martens shoes he bought for me, he had something else. The something else turned out to be a BEAUTIFUL Birthday Wreath from Calyx & Corolla
which happens to be affiliated with the Vermont Teddy Bear Co. While I didn't get a VT teddy bear for my birthday (which I'm good with), he did get another beautiful red box with gourmet chocolates. Yum. No, no, DOUBLE Yum.

Dinner tonight was a fabulous feast from a new local Chinese delivery place. Highly impressed with the packaging AND we got free doughnuts from them! Later came the chocolate cake... yummmmm... and the chocolate chunk frozen yogurt. *wistful sigh* Would that my belly could hold any more chocolatey goodness, for I am fit to burst!

After speaking with friends and some family, I am ready for bed. I have to say, I was quite surprised; my grandmother who lives in Hawaii and is pushing late 80's actually sent me her yearly birthday greetings... in EMAIL. Yes, my grandmother is extremely special. What can I say? *L*

So we open up another year... a year to be older. A year to become wiser. A year to build better friendships, and repair old relationships with previous friends and family members. A year for hope. :)

Oops

Honey,

Remember the "No Glove, No Love" policy we instituted along with the famous "Rhythm Method"?

If you're reading this, we may have had an oops on April Fool's Day. It was 13 days into my cycle.

And that's no joke! *L*

Things I Don't Assume

After talking with Matt about Dave adopting Alli, I realized that it's something that Dave and I have never really talked about. I know why I've never brought it up - I didn't want him to feel pressured into doing something he really didn't want to. Although I know Dave loves Alli, right now, another man is footing the child support bill.

I went to talk to Dave in his office after dinner and asked him,"I know we've never talked about it, but DO you want to adopt Alli?" I hastened to add,"You don't have to if you don't want to."

Dave cocked his head to the side and looked at me, asking guilessly,"Why wouldn't I want to adopt her? I'm Daddy to her now, might as well go all the way." He smiled and laughed at me a bit.

I was just kind of floored.

He responded additionally with,"There was never any question that I would adopt her in my mind."

So... apparently, he's already decided he'll be adopting Alli if Matt agrees to it.

Some days, Dave just melts my heart.

The Longer Version (for Beckah)

I got a call from my tax lady, Elyse. My taxes were rejected for e-filing because basically, Matt tried to claim Alli as HIS dependent. (Sure, sure, and PIGS will fly out of his ASS!)

Upset and ticked beyond all belief, I saw the chunky refund check we'd be getting now floating away....beyond my grasp... and thought about the $1800 her daycare is going to cost this summer, the clothes she needs, the new shoes I've been looking for for her...

I called Matt up and left a very calm and civil message on his voice mail after scrounging through old emails for his phone number. (Mind you, he still lives at home, at age 30 with his mother and father and however many cats they have.)

He called me back about a half hour later, beligerantly stating that he's 'always claimed Allison' on his taxes. BULL DOO DOO, I said to him; if 'you claimed her previously, you would have gotten a denial because I have claimed her every year without issue.' I very calmly asked him what made him think he could claim her, he tells me that during our divorce proceedings, he thought our lawyers had agreed he could claim her as his dependent and it should be in the divorce decree. I told him very kindly, I wasn't calling him a liar, but I would need to see what we could find on this since I don't recall EVER agreeing to that.

After that phone call, I made several others - to Dave, to Elyse my tax lady, and to Dave again. Turns out, if I tried to refile, letting Matt claim Alli this year, I would have to pay in $638.00 for federal - which basically means that I paid in over $8000 for daycare last year, taking home between $15,000 and $18,000 - taking additional money out of my check AND I'D STILL HAVE TO PAY.

How sick is that? Really.

So... I went home and rampaged my way through old files looking for my divorce decree - November 14th 2002 we were officially divorced. Did I ever tell you why? Ohhh no? Well let's put it this way - my ex was a traveling district manager for a pre-paid cell phone company who liked to chat online. He ended up falling in love and as far as I can tell, cheating on me WHILE I WAS PREGNANT with some girl he met online. Heh. She was fatter than me, too. Go figure, eh? He asked me for a divorce when I was 6 months pregnant. What a prince.

Dave and I pored over the divorce decree and it stated nothing to the effect of who would be claiming Alli for taxes - although a letter from my lawyer to his told him basically I would be. The follow up response to my lawyer's letter didn't even address the tax claim issue.

I did talk with my best friend, Kathleen - who it just so happens, her father in law is a professional tax man as I like to call him, and she told him what the story was.
He said according to the definition of dependent, the fact I have sole physical custody of Alli and am her sole source of support and nothing was hammered out in the decree, I would be the one with the legal right to claim Alli as my dependent.

Dave and I grappled with what tack to take with Matt - steam roller or sincere honesty. I decided to go for sincere honesty, and if we had to later, Dave would get involved if I couldn't hardtack my ex.

I called Matt back. We were on the phone for more than 20 minutes. I told him what I'd found and that he wasn't eligible to claim her as his dependent and the IRS would be auditing and researching both of us if he did not agree to do an amended tax filing. He said at first "It doesn't matter. The IRS takes whatever return I get and puts it to the back child support." I told him that unfortunately, we don't see that - we see the weekly takings, the $85.xx a week which totals to $344.00 a month and while that helps immensely, it barely covers her daycare during the school months and I was looking at $1800 in childcare costs just this summer.
He growled at me and told me he was broke, and he was barely making ends meet, still living with his parents, and that if he re-did his taxes, he would probably owe.
I explained to him calmly that's what payment plans are for because Gods know I've had to do my fair share of those being a single mom.

He started to get snarky at that point and asked "What about your new husband?"
I assumed he meant Dave and I sighed into the phone, "We are not married yet - we're thinking of next Fall. And contrary to who and what you knew me as when we were married, I am QUITE independent now. Alli is not HIS responsibility, although Dave has offered several times to help out where he can."

Matt got quiet, "Well congratulations. And I don't mean that in an ignorant way."

Again, sighing, "Thank you Matt."

Matt: "Is he going to adopt Allison?"

Me: "That's entirely up to you Matt. You'd have to sign off on the paperwork and we really haven't discussed it because we're not even at that point yet."

At this point, I don't remember what set him off exactly but he started crying and telling me how I kept her from him, and took away his reason for living, and he hadn't seen her in 5 years. I told him, "Come on up Matt. You can see her - I've never knowingly kept you from her. Come up and visit; she's not traveling anytime soon though. And the biggest thing is that she already has her Daddy here...we wouldn't know how to explain you. She's not able to comprehend the situation at this age."
He started in crying again. I feel badly for him - I do - but if he hadn't screwed around with someone else, we might still be married and a family unit, where she might have known or recognized him as her father. This really isn't possible now.

I again repeated the very first portion of our conversation; either he does an amended tax return taking Alli off, or I file with her as my dependent as I'm allowed to, and the IRS does it's research; I guarantee they will still be sending me a refund, but it'll take a few months longer or more to get here.

Again I reiterated the necessity of the refund Alli and I would be getting back; promising him stubs of what I paid for daycare if he deemed it necessary. I just wanted to get the point across to him that SHE needs this money - for clothes, for daycare, for a new bed...

He turned beligerent, "Well I hope you're happy; you always get what you want. Don't you? I hope you're happy now. I'll try to file that amended paperwork. But I'm broke right now and don't know if I can afford to pay -"

I sighed deeply again,"No, Matt, I don't. I just want you to do what's right. You don't have the benefit to file with her as your dependent. That money is Alli's." I lowered my voice to soften my thanks, "I appreciate you doing this. Thank you."

We ended up disconnecting a few moments later as his voice took on more of a sarcastic, long-suffering tone --- suggesting that he believed I was getting my way again. He did at one point say he was going to talk to a tax lawyer and I encouraged him too - but then again, how could he afford one if he was broke? Wonders never cease. Dave and I are giving him until Thursday. If he doesn't call by then like I requested him to, then I will call him and we will play out the little phone call all over again I'm sure.

Typing this... has exhausted me. But still more to come.

Oh NO you DIDN'T!

Dave has returned into my good graces. Long story short, he spoiled me with lots of time just for us and the family time with us and Alli and it was fabulous. That's the good part.

The incredibly bad part of my day came today when I had H&R Block go and file my taxes.

The IRS rejected my taxes; my return (which was a nice chunk of change) has been put on hold.

Apparently, someone else is trying to claim Alli as a dependent.

I immediately thought of my ex husband - Matt. And boy was I EVER surprised.

I researched to find his number (because we're just such bosom buddies, ya know), and was leaving him a voicemail inside of 20 minutes of finding out he had tried to claim her on his taxes.

He called me back - turns out he's telling me he's always claimed Allison on his taxes - which couldn't be; he would have been rejected like I was today, and that supposedly he's telling me I agreed he could try to claim her as a dependent.
Umm...NO. Would HELL NO be too much?

Seriously, between two phone calls where he alternated between abrasive, civil, tearful, and civil again, we discovered that he screwed up. Big time. And I had to convince him that he DID f*ck up and is taking funds away from Alli and things she needs - like daycare $1800 this summer.

Per my discussion with Dave, we discovered that the custodial parent is to file and claim the dependent on the taxes - unless a previous arrangement has been made, which it has not. Believe me, I pulled my copy of the divorce decree. There is not a WORD stating he gets to claim her. Pfft!

He hasn't seen Alli since 2002 - and he claims I've 'kept her' from him! Puhlease!! He lives in St. Louis, MO. He hasn't been here to see her and I refuse to let her travel alone, let alone out of state without me.

So as it stands now, he either needs to do a tax filing amendment --- OR --- I file by paper and the IRS will research and review both of our taxes and audit as appropriate. He said he would try to file an amendment. *l*

There's more to this story - like the pleading, the congrats on Dave, and adoption of Alli. But those are all best served in another posting.