So....
I went in on Thursday April 17th to my Perinatal appt. It was supposed to be routine enough. And I suppose in a way it was for me.
I peed in a cup. I got weighed - I lost 2 pounds! And I've been eating normal and all. Weird, I thought.
The nurse tried to find the baby on the in-room ultrasound which isn't really the best. I'm sure my fat roll didn't help at all. At least that's what I was blaming the fact they didn't see anything on.
The doctor came in - Dr. Lynch-Salaman. AWESOME, one word. We moved to a fully equipped ultrasound room and the tech and the doctor decided to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound for best results.
And there, on the screen, was no heart beat, and my fetus that I had started calling a "baby" even though I know better, curled up like a centipede curls up when it dies. Dr. Lynch-Salaman was apologetic and extremely kind in my first moments of shock.
And no, I didn't break down there; I had to remain calm to drive myself home to Dave so I could tell him the news. The nurse offered to let me use her cell phone - she was sweet and I declined. There's just some things you want to do in person.
The doctor and the nurse worked it so that on Monday I get to go to North Memorial Hospital for the initial cervix-opening procedure, and then on Tuesday, the full D&C at Abbott. Allegedly, the cervix-opening procedure is supposed to be gentler on your body and better for when you try to have more children later on. I told the doctors that I really didn't think it mattered since this was going to be my 3rd D&C in 8 years due to tissue not passing when the pregnancy self-termed. I knew what to expect as far as the surgical D&C.
Then they threw this procedure for the cervix at me. Yikes. They stick Laminaria, or seeweed sticks into the opening of your cervix - as many as the doctor feels is appropriate to help open it - as the sticks swell and soften the cervix. They each have a loop and are all tied together as they hang from your cervix. I talked to the nurse at North Perinatal Clinic at the hospital and they said likely to expect cramping, possibly some discharge, but if tissue and bright red blood presented, to head directly to the ER - meaning my cervix is dilated enough and is trying to pass the fetus without assistance from medical personnel. This would be me, RUNNING to the ER.
So as I lay in bed on Thursday night talking to Dave, we had gotten past most of the heartbreak -for the moment- and I said something about how I lost two pounds from the last time I'd been to the perinatal clinic.... and I wondered if a soul was two pounds. We looked at each other. I teared up a bit. This baby was not expected, but it was wanted. It was almost like we were on borrowed time from the beginning. Were we greedy? Or stupid?
I feel stupid, after the fact, having told people - even though things were kosher and swimming along just fine. It's easier to share good news, than to share bad news and have people feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. You put on a brave face, put the "logic" chip back in your brain and explain to people that it's okay, it was unplanned, and you and your significant other are doing well and have plans to actually plan/try next time, and yes, it's never easy, but there are truthfully always others who are worse off than you are.
To the mothers out there who have gone nearly a whole pregnancy and lost their babies, who have lost them at 20 weeks, who have given birth and had a stillborn child.... I have nothing to complain about when I think about those mothers. And yes, they are still mothers.
I am still lucky in many eyes, including my own. I have a beautiful little girl who just turned 7 on Friday the 18th. I just thought that if this baby was supposed to be here, it would have been perfect for the timing. We'll always have next time, right?
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
27 weeks to go
Now that the room has stopped spinning and I can eat peanut butter related items again, I'm just having to deal with the fatigue. Which is normal - and believe me, I'm not complaining! Just stating a fact.
I remember when I was prego with Alli that I used to fall to sleep and it would take a foghorn in the ear to wake me up. Exhaustion was my constant companion then.... but it's mild now compared to what I remembered. Still, I'm old. I turn 29 on Sunday. Alli turns 7 on the 18th of April. Which brings me to remember what it was like when she was born and how I'm preggers again. Oy.
When Alli was born, it was by emergency c-section and I was about 27 weeks with pre-eclampsia and HELLP. She emerged at just about 1 pound, 11 and 1/2 ounces. Talk about traumatic for us both!
And so now, nearly 7 years later, I look back on her birth and promise myself and my family that this time should not be nearly so traumatic or dramatic. According to my perinatologists, I have only a 25% chance to develope pre-eclampsia again, and that knowing about any predisposition means that we are armed to take better care this time. I think a large factor that is in my favor this time is that Dave isn't asking for a divorce when I'm 6 months pregnant (as my ex husband did). *L* Stress is never good, let alone when you're pregnant. Go figure.
But... so far all is well and normal. I have my Level II ultrasound in about 6 weeks to check for additional possible issues and do a really COOL 3D picture of the baby. We should also be able to see something as to the gender as well. I'm pretty darn excited this time - Alli was a surprise, but I am too old for surprises. *L* I want to know what gender it is so we can plan ahead. No fun you say? Oh well. I have enough surprises daily with my 7 year old.
I remember when I was prego with Alli that I used to fall to sleep and it would take a foghorn in the ear to wake me up. Exhaustion was my constant companion then.... but it's mild now compared to what I remembered. Still, I'm old. I turn 29 on Sunday. Alli turns 7 on the 18th of April. Which brings me to remember what it was like when she was born and how I'm preggers again. Oy.
When Alli was born, it was by emergency c-section and I was about 27 weeks with pre-eclampsia and HELLP. She emerged at just about 1 pound, 11 and 1/2 ounces. Talk about traumatic for us both!
And so now, nearly 7 years later, I look back on her birth and promise myself and my family that this time should not be nearly so traumatic or dramatic. According to my perinatologists, I have only a 25% chance to develope pre-eclampsia again, and that knowing about any predisposition means that we are armed to take better care this time. I think a large factor that is in my favor this time is that Dave isn't asking for a divorce when I'm 6 months pregnant (as my ex husband did). *L* Stress is never good, let alone when you're pregnant. Go figure.
But... so far all is well and normal. I have my Level II ultrasound in about 6 weeks to check for additional possible issues and do a really COOL 3D picture of the baby. We should also be able to see something as to the gender as well. I'm pretty darn excited this time - Alli was a surprise, but I am too old for surprises. *L* I want to know what gender it is so we can plan ahead. No fun you say? Oh well. I have enough surprises daily with my 7 year old.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Locks of Love
So much has been going on, but here's a brief story to share:
I've been trying to get to Great Clips or Fantastic Sam's to get my hair and Alli's hair cut this entire week. Since my brother was visiting, we had other things to do, and when we weren't doing those other things, I was laid low with exhaustion.
So this morning around 8:30 Alli bounces into our room and puts her cold hands on my face and giggles. Sure, Mom gets shocked awake! I admonish her, cuddle her for a minute as Dave wakes up enough to tell her she can play quietly for a bit while we "wake up". Really what he means is while we sleep for another 45 minutes.
However... since I've been pregnant, I've had a harder time getting to sleep, and falling back to sleep when I've been woken up. It's extremely annoying, believe me.
So I ly in bed and think "Hey! Fantastic Sam's opens at 9 I think..." I jiggle Dave awake around 9am and tell him Alli and I are heading out for hair cuts. He falls back asleep slightly drooling into his pillow.
Alli and I put on clothes, brushed our teeth, brushed our long, glorious locks, and headed out.
We had a 20 minute wait, but nothing major at Fantastic Sam's. The gals there were extremely friendly.
Alli went first and the gal who cut her hair asked if we wanted to "donate" after I showed her the shorter hair cut I was thinking of for Alli. I looked at her and said, "Eh... sure!" She went on to explain that they need at least 10 inches to qualify for a Locks of Love donation that they can send in for us. I told them heck yeah, take it!
Alli now has a much shorter and more manageable look for herself - one that she can certainly help more with than her nearly butt length hair previously. She likes it; I think she's adorable.
Next it was my turn. I looked at my salon person, Patty, and told her to take ten inches off as well. She was stunned! My hair, too, is butt length. Suffice it to say that I now have a much shorter, more free-floating hairstyle. Right at where my neck and my back meet. My hair hasn't been this short since when I was pregnant with Alli I think....
So we had a great time, donated to Locks of Love, and then went up to the counter to pay. The gal, Patty, looked at us blankly and said "Oh, since you both donated today, the haircuts are free!"
I was STUNNED.
Imagine doing something because it feels good knowing that your hair is going to help others and then getting a free haircut and NOT EXPECTING IT.
It was a wonderful surprise. Now I know that our hair goes to help fund children who have/are going through chemo and suffer from alopecia areata. :)
To find out more: http://www.locksoflove.org/
I've been trying to get to Great Clips or Fantastic Sam's to get my hair and Alli's hair cut this entire week. Since my brother was visiting, we had other things to do, and when we weren't doing those other things, I was laid low with exhaustion.
So this morning around 8:30 Alli bounces into our room and puts her cold hands on my face and giggles. Sure, Mom gets shocked awake! I admonish her, cuddle her for a minute as Dave wakes up enough to tell her she can play quietly for a bit while we "wake up". Really what he means is while we sleep for another 45 minutes.
However... since I've been pregnant, I've had a harder time getting to sleep, and falling back to sleep when I've been woken up. It's extremely annoying, believe me.
So I ly in bed and think "Hey! Fantastic Sam's opens at 9 I think..." I jiggle Dave awake around 9am and tell him Alli and I are heading out for hair cuts. He falls back asleep slightly drooling into his pillow.
Alli and I put on clothes, brushed our teeth, brushed our long, glorious locks, and headed out.
We had a 20 minute wait, but nothing major at Fantastic Sam's. The gals there were extremely friendly.
Alli went first and the gal who cut her hair asked if we wanted to "donate" after I showed her the shorter hair cut I was thinking of for Alli. I looked at her and said, "Eh... sure!" She went on to explain that they need at least 10 inches to qualify for a Locks of Love donation that they can send in for us. I told them heck yeah, take it!
Alli now has a much shorter and more manageable look for herself - one that she can certainly help more with than her nearly butt length hair previously. She likes it; I think she's adorable.
Next it was my turn. I looked at my salon person, Patty, and told her to take ten inches off as well. She was stunned! My hair, too, is butt length. Suffice it to say that I now have a much shorter, more free-floating hairstyle. Right at where my neck and my back meet. My hair hasn't been this short since when I was pregnant with Alli I think....
So we had a great time, donated to Locks of Love, and then went up to the counter to pay. The gal, Patty, looked at us blankly and said "Oh, since you both donated today, the haircuts are free!"
I was STUNNED.
Imagine doing something because it feels good knowing that your hair is going to help others and then getting a free haircut and NOT EXPECTING IT.
It was a wonderful surprise. Now I know that our hair goes to help fund children who have/are going through chemo and suffer from alopecia areata. :)
To find out more: http://www.locksoflove.org/
Sunday, March 9, 2008
103.9
no, the above is not a new radio station.
it's the temp that dave reached all by his talented self last night despite ibuprofen, and other 'nsaids' - then i took kathleen's advice and shoved some acetaminophen down his gullet and his fever started dropping.
and a nice cool bath where i put buckets of water over his head while he breathed in through clenched teeth.
he has the flu.
and i am exhaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddd.
and i have to work tomorrow.
and he is doing better. thankfully. but i am pooped.
it's the temp that dave reached all by his talented self last night despite ibuprofen, and other 'nsaids' - then i took kathleen's advice and shoved some acetaminophen down his gullet and his fever started dropping.
and a nice cool bath where i put buckets of water over his head while he breathed in through clenched teeth.
he has the flu.
and i am exhaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddd.
and i have to work tomorrow.
and he is doing better. thankfully. but i am pooped.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Hear Ye, Hear Ye!
I am exactly 8 weeks pregnant today. I have no fear in sharing this as I went to see my Perinatologist for the first time this morning.
They performed a trans-vaginal ultrasound ... lo and behold! A baby with a heartbeat of 164 beats per minute was clearly visible!!
This was entirely a surprise and completely unplanned - in fact, Dave and I have been working in the OPPOSITE direction as I was on Coumadin (which crosses the placenta - no good) and according to my Hematologist he wanted me to wait until this summer to go back on the Lovenox (safe for baby, pregnancy good).
Luckily, although I went into the doc about 4 weeks ago because I thought I had a urinary tract infection and they diagnosed me as pregnant, I haven't had any issues. Praise the Gods. No bleeding, no cramping; just nausea and the occasional minor headache..... and FOOD CRAVINGS that have been driving Dave nuts. *L*
Seriously? I was craving chilli and ate a whole can for lunch yesterday. It was SO GOOD. And I paid for it by feeling stuffed for 7 hours until I ... well...let's just say the juice helped me out with getting rid of that bloated and miserable feeling. *L*
According to my Perinatologist, Dr. Fairbanks (a lovely, well-organized physician, very caring and astute) even though I'm considered to be high risk due to previous pre-eclampsia with Alli, and my blood disorder issues, she was reassuring when I asked her what my chances of full term birth were and she looked me in the eye and said "I would say you have a 98% likelihood of having a happy, healthy baby." I then asked if it was okay to tell people and she said "I don't see why not! A heartbeat is a wonderful thing." It put my mind at ease and put me on guard for taking care of myself - which between Dave and myself, we've been doing quite a good job. :)
He loves me so much...he's been making dinner for the last month - letting me ly down on the couch and catch a 15 minute snooze while he preps dinner, and then runs to pick up Alli from the bus. When he and Alli return, he then completes dinner prep and has been taking care of the kitchen for the most part. My HERO! :)
We finally told Alli tonight and she is ecstatic about being a big sister. My best friend Kathleen, and my other friends Beckah, Jenn, Sheila, etc.... they were all told and are excited for us as well.
It's funny when you think about it though. I'm due October 7th. Dave's birthday is October 9th. Even if they decide to schedule me for an early c-section, my sister's birthday was September 21st.... which made me pause. :) And then we are still getting married November 1st. Oy! So MUCH to do this year - and I haven't even gotten into how my little brother, Alex, who's 19 this November is going to moving in with us this summer and staying for the length of Le Cordon Bleu cooking program...or longer.
I'm looking forward to the challenges this year is going to be bringing. Aren't you? *L*
They performed a trans-vaginal ultrasound ... lo and behold! A baby with a heartbeat of 164 beats per minute was clearly visible!!
This was entirely a surprise and completely unplanned - in fact, Dave and I have been working in the OPPOSITE direction as I was on Coumadin (which crosses the placenta - no good) and according to my Hematologist he wanted me to wait until this summer to go back on the Lovenox (safe for baby, pregnancy good).
Luckily, although I went into the doc about 4 weeks ago because I thought I had a urinary tract infection and they diagnosed me as pregnant, I haven't had any issues. Praise the Gods. No bleeding, no cramping; just nausea and the occasional minor headache..... and FOOD CRAVINGS that have been driving Dave nuts. *L*
Seriously? I was craving chilli and ate a whole can for lunch yesterday. It was SO GOOD. And I paid for it by feeling stuffed for 7 hours until I ... well...let's just say the juice helped me out with getting rid of that bloated and miserable feeling. *L*
According to my Perinatologist, Dr. Fairbanks (a lovely, well-organized physician, very caring and astute) even though I'm considered to be high risk due to previous pre-eclampsia with Alli, and my blood disorder issues, she was reassuring when I asked her what my chances of full term birth were and she looked me in the eye and said "I would say you have a 98% likelihood of having a happy, healthy baby." I then asked if it was okay to tell people and she said "I don't see why not! A heartbeat is a wonderful thing." It put my mind at ease and put me on guard for taking care of myself - which between Dave and myself, we've been doing quite a good job. :)
He loves me so much...he's been making dinner for the last month - letting me ly down on the couch and catch a 15 minute snooze while he preps dinner, and then runs to pick up Alli from the bus. When he and Alli return, he then completes dinner prep and has been taking care of the kitchen for the most part. My HERO! :)
We finally told Alli tonight and she is ecstatic about being a big sister. My best friend Kathleen, and my other friends Beckah, Jenn, Sheila, etc.... they were all told and are excited for us as well.
It's funny when you think about it though. I'm due October 7th. Dave's birthday is October 9th. Even if they decide to schedule me for an early c-section, my sister's birthday was September 21st.... which made me pause. :) And then we are still getting married November 1st. Oy! So MUCH to do this year - and I haven't even gotten into how my little brother, Alex, who's 19 this November is going to moving in with us this summer and staying for the length of Le Cordon Bleu cooking program...or longer.
I'm looking forward to the challenges this year is going to be bringing. Aren't you? *L*
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Kisses
We have special kisses in our family when it comes to goodnight kisses...and we have just added a new one.
First, we have the "puppy kiss", where you basically fake your family member out like you are going to give them a kiss on the cheek, and instead you stick out your tongue and lick them like a puppy would. This kiss was courtesy of Grandpa Gary and Aunty Kathleen.
Next, we have "vacuum kisses". These were invented by Dave; where basically you suck in air close to the person's face, thus creating a bit of a vacuum pull. It tickles. *G*
Then, there's there are "zombie kisses". This is ALL Dave's invention again. He loves horror and zombie movies so he created a fun kiss for Alli where he pretends to gnaw on the top of her head while mumbling "Mmmm gooooooooood brains! Me like brains!" Of course, she giggles and laughs heartily.
Well, tonight, mommy invented a new kiss. The "chicken kiss" where you pretty much peck kisses on the person's cheek/face like a chicken would peck at corn. Yay, me! I finally came up with one .... and luckily she laughed in enjoyment. Tee hee hee!
May you hold your little ones close and invent new kisses and ways to make them giggle into sweet dreams! :)
First, we have the "puppy kiss", where you basically fake your family member out like you are going to give them a kiss on the cheek, and instead you stick out your tongue and lick them like a puppy would. This kiss was courtesy of Grandpa Gary and Aunty Kathleen.
Next, we have "vacuum kisses". These were invented by Dave; where basically you suck in air close to the person's face, thus creating a bit of a vacuum pull. It tickles. *G*
Then, there's there are "zombie kisses". This is ALL Dave's invention again. He loves horror and zombie movies so he created a fun kiss for Alli where he pretends to gnaw on the top of her head while mumbling "Mmmm gooooooooood brains! Me like brains!" Of course, she giggles and laughs heartily.
Well, tonight, mommy invented a new kiss. The "chicken kiss" where you pretty much peck kisses on the person's cheek/face like a chicken would peck at corn. Yay, me! I finally came up with one .... and luckily she laughed in enjoyment. Tee hee hee!
May you hold your little ones close and invent new kisses and ways to make them giggle into sweet dreams! :)
Monday, January 28, 2008
For those that are Socially Awkward, I salute you
How To Have More Social Success!
The above site was pointed out to me by my love, Dave. Yes, my geek man showed this website to me, laughingly.
To which I asked, "Have you read it yet?"
He pouted and walked away, muttering "have I read it yet!"
It features such wonderful reading as (don't worry, I've picked out the highlights!):
How To Be More Fun / How To Be Less Boring
Regular Logical Mode vs. Fun Partying Mode In Social Interactions
Thoughts On 'Connecting' With People
What To Do If Your Friends Suck
The Importance of Getting Your Appearance In Order
How Your Interests Can Affect Your Social Success
And other links you can click on the main page that made me giggle:
Geared More Towards Guys:
How To Dance - For Average Guys
My Advice For Any Shy, Awkward Guys Still in High-School
How I (Gradually) Became Less Obsessive About Playing Video Games
Geared More Towards Women:
Inside The Mind Of Guys Who Are Shy And Inexperienced With Women
Somewhat Controversial / Things You May Not Want To Hear:
At Times It's Socially Practical To Know About Things Other People Care About
Being Honest With Yourself About Your Social Problems
Are You Sure You Know What You Want Socially?
What To Do If You Can't Relate To All The Shallow People Out There
It's Fine If You Don't Drink, But Don't Be Too Uptight About It
Fantastic reading for those who live with, love, are married to the geeks, nerds, and dweebs of the world. It gives you a bit more insight. ;)
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