After spending the last couple weeks dodging people, accepting condolences, having people dodge ME, and getting on with life here, I would say most things seem to be back to normal for myself and my little family.
We've refocused the energy we were using for the baby to cleaning out our nest, taking care of little things that needed to get done (cleaning out the basement/storage area, cleaning out the other finished portion of the basement - the family room) and regaining health.
I've decided to go back to trying to lose more weight - sensibly. Not like I'm a huge a$$ cow, but I wouldn't mind looking a little more on the voluptuous side in our handfasting pictures, instead of bloated and sporting a near double chin. Whomever said double chins are in, LIED.
Dave has been nothing but supportive and loving - with the exception that he can't process some of the deeper emotions that I as a woman go through during the grieving process. *shrugs* And the whole 6 weeks of pelvic rest isn't all roses, but there are ways around that.
My hematologist, Dr. Wienshel, agreed to let us give this conception thing another shot in about 6 months - to quote Dave: "You tell him that we are getting married November 1st.... and that we are going to start trying to have another baby that night!"
According to the latest information that I was given when I went in for the D&C, Dr. Ney from MN Perinatal (whom I love to death! she performed my last d&c and was nothing but the nicest and calmly up-front doctor) advised me before they took me in for the procedure that the vials they had drawn from me at MN Peri on Thursday were testing positive for CMV and that likely could be a cause why the pregnancy terminated.
For all those not familiar with CMV, it's a virus and according to one of the websites I found (I think it was March of Dimes or some medical journal), Cytomegalovirus is the "...number one condition responsible for congenital mental retardation..."
It's too strange that over half of all adults will have contracted this by the age of 40 and exhibited little or no symptoms aside from minor cold or flu-like ones, and they go on their merry way without issues. However... for someone of my compromised immune system (due to clotting and platelet issues) and pregnant, when I contracted CMV, my body didn't have antibodies to fight off the virus, and my baby wasn't able to do it alone, so the pregnancy ended without my knowledge.
However, from what I read from various websites, this baby was honestly better off checking out than hanging around, waiting to be born to a possibly less than ideal quality of life.
From the CDC:
"Each year in the United States, about
1 in 750 children are born with or
develop disabilities as a result of CMV infection."
"Most babies with congenital (meaning from birth) CMV never have health problems. But, in some babies, congenital CMV causes health problems when
the baby is born or later in the baby’s life. These health problems may include
* Hearing loss
* Bleeding problems
* Vision loss
* Liver problems
* Mental disability
* Spleen problems
* Lung problems
* Growth problems
Sometimes health problems such as hearing or vision loss do not occur until months or years after birth. With proper care, most infants with CMV disease survive. Of those with symptoms at birth, 80% to 90% will have problems within the first few years of life. These problems may include hearing loss, vision loss, and various degrees of mental retardation. Of those infants with no symptoms at birth, 5% to 10% will later develop various degrees of hearing and mental or coordination problems."
I ran across a website where a woman was talking about her child and how she was a miracle baby who had spent her whole first year in the hospital and had numerous procedures, seizures, lung problems, etc - and yet she was a 'miracle'.
I'm sorry, but when you love someone or something so much, to see it suffer through it's first year of life... I don't think that's a miracle. I think it's fairly cruel. I came across another mother who's first daughter suffered the effects of CMV and had developed severe cerebral palsy, was unable to do barely anything but drool - and although she loved her daughter, understandably, when she became pregnant again and tested positive for a recurrent strain of CMV, she terminated the pregnancy 11 weeks in because it was too much of a risk for her to take that she would bring another unsuspecting soul into the world and have it possibly turn out for the worse again.
I've always believed there's a reason for everything happening, as trite as that sounds. To me, this was another angel taking a peek into our family, I think, and saying "Hey, I'll be back later, ok? You guys seem kinda busy. I'll stay forever next time!"
I go back to MN Perinatal May 13th for a post D&C check up and for some additional results. Dr. Ney did tell me that the baby was perfect, although obviously small. It had all 10 fingers and 10 toes, she said. For whatever reason, that made me feel better.
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