Flatulent Funnies (well, to me at least)

The other night I was in the process of falling asleep, cuddled close to Dave; fortunately facing him.

Cocooned in my own little sleepy world, I heard a LOUD sound that made me shake and wake myself up.

Dave had farted. It sounded like a sonic BOOM to me.

Apparently I said, more than half asleep," Oooh! That was loud. It scared me!" in a small little voice. Then I promptly giggled as he laughed a full belly laugh, ...and then I fell back asleep.

So now, at random intervals Dave will repeat the "That was loud. It scared me!" in a falsetto voice and we both giggle. I know. We're weird.

Little Evie

On the bright side, and somewhat, I dunno, ironic? side some would say, my best friend Kathleen had her daughter on April 16th, 2008.

Evelyn "Evie" Elizabeth weighed in at 10 pounds, 5 and 3/4 ounces, measuring 21 inches.

Kathleen ended up having a c-section because her body just wasn't cooperating with such a large and healthy little girl. *G*

We went up this weekend to Sandstone to see them and I have to say, Evie is absolutely ADORABLE. And so disgustingly good a baby you've NEVER seen. Seriously, she barely whimpered when she had gas - and she ate like a champ. I was just in awe! Kathleen joked that she was going to be a hellraiser when she hit 2 though... payback for being good the first couple of years. Tee hee hee.

Aunty Witchy has nicknamed her "Cheeks" because she had the most sweetest and pinchable little cheeks... That kid is lucky. :)

Kas and hubby were obviously tired and all, but doing well. After 8 years they finally have their first child and the glow hasn't worn off yet...as they are already planning for their second! *G*

Blessings to the mothers of the world on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. :)

Just the latest...

After spending the last couple weeks dodging people, accepting condolences, having people dodge ME, and getting on with life here, I would say most things seem to be back to normal for myself and my little family.

We've refocused the energy we were using for the baby to cleaning out our nest, taking care of little things that needed to get done (cleaning out the basement/storage area, cleaning out the other finished portion of the basement - the family room) and regaining health.

I've decided to go back to trying to lose more weight - sensibly. Not like I'm a huge a$$ cow, but I wouldn't mind looking a little more on the voluptuous side in our handfasting pictures, instead of bloated and sporting a near double chin. Whomever said double chins are in, LIED.

Dave has been nothing but supportive and loving - with the exception that he can't process some of the deeper emotions that I as a woman go through during the grieving process. *shrugs* And the whole 6 weeks of pelvic rest isn't all roses, but there are ways around that. ;)

My hematologist, Dr. Wienshel, agreed to let us give this conception thing another shot in about 6 months - to quote Dave: "You tell him that we are getting married November 1st.... and that we are going to start trying to have another baby that night!"

According to the latest information that I was given when I went in for the d&c, Dr. Ney from MN Perinatal (whom I love to death! she performed my last d&c and was nothing but the nicest and calmly up-front doctor) advised me before they took me in for the procedure that the vials they had drawn from me at MN Peri on Thursday were testing positive for CMV and that likely could be a cause why the pregnancy terminated.

For all those not familiar with CMV, it's a virus and according to one of the websites I found (I think it was March of Dimes or some medical journal), Cytomegalovirus is the "...number one condition responsible for congenital mental retardation..."

It's too strange that over half of all adults will have contracted this by the age of 40 and exhibited little or no symptoms aside from minor cold or flu-like ones, and they go on their merry way without issues. However... for someone of my compromised immune system (due to clotting and platelet issues) and pregnant, when I contracted CMV, my body didn't have antibodies to fight off the virus, and my baby wasn't able to do it alone, so the pregnancy ended without my knowledge.

However, from what I read from various websites, this baby was honestly better off checking out than hanging around, waiting to be born to a possibly less than ideal quality of life.
From the CDC:

"Each year in the United States, about
1 in 750 children are born with or
develop disabilities as a result of CMV infection."

"Most babies with congenital (meaning from birth) CMV never have health problems. But, in some babies, congenital CMV causes health problems when
the baby is born or later in the baby’s life. These health problems may include

* Hearing loss
* Bleeding problems
* Vision loss
* Liver problems
* Mental disability
* Spleen problems
* Lung problems
* Growth problems

Sometimes health problems such as hearing or vision loss do not occur until months or years after birth. With proper care, most infants with CMV disease survive. Of those with symptoms at birth, 80% to 90% will have problems within the first few years of life. These problems may include hearing loss, vision loss, and various degrees of mental retardation. Of those infants with no symptoms at birth, 5% to 10% will later develop various degrees of hearing and mental or coordination problems."

I ran across a website where a woman was talking about her child and how she was a miracle baby who had spent her whole first year in the hospital and had numerous procedures, seizures, lung problems, etc - and yet she was a 'miracle'.

I'm sorry, but when you love someone or something so much, to see it suffer through it's first year of life... I don't think that's a miracle. I think it's fairly cruel. I came across another mother who's first daughter suffered the effects of CMV and had developed severe cerebral palsy, was unable to do barely anything but drool - and although she loved her daughter, understandably, when she became pregnant again and tested positive for a recurrent strain of CMV, she terminated the pregnancy 11 weeks in because it was too much of a risk for her to take that she would bring another unsuspecting soul into the world and have it possibly turn out for the worse again.

I've always believed there's a reason for everything happening, as trite as that sounds. To me, this was another angel taking a peek into our family, I think, and saying "Hey, I'll be back later, ok? You guys seem kinda busy. I'll stay forever next time!"

I go back to MN Perinatal May 13th for a post d&c check up and for some additional results. Dr. Ney did tell me that the baby was perfect, although obviously small. It had all 10 fingers and 10 toes, she said. For whatever reason, that made me feel better.

The Two Pound Soul

So....

I went in on Thursday April 17th to my Perinatal appt. It was supposed to be routine enough. And I suppose in a way it was for me.

I peed in a cup. I got weighed - I lost 2 pounds! And I've been eating normal and all. Weird, I thought.

The nurse tried to find the baby on the in-room ultrasound which isn't really the best. I'm sure my fat roll didn't help at all. At least that's what I was blaming the fact they didn't see anything on.

The doctor came in - Dr. Lynch-Salaman. AWESOME, one word. We moved to a fully equipped ultrasound room and the tech and the doctor decided to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound for best results.

And there, on the screen, was no heart beat, and my fetus that I had started calling a "baby" even though I know better, curled up like a centipede curls up when it dies. Dr. Lynch-Salaman was apologetic and extremely kind in my first moments of shock.
And no, I didn't break down there; I had to remain calm to drive myself home to Dave so I could tell him the news. The nurse offered to let me use her cell phone - she was sweet and I declined. There's just some things you want to do in person.

The doctor and the nurse worked it so that on Monday I get to goto North Memorial Hosptial for the initial cervix-opening procedure, and then on Tuesday, the full D&C at Abbott. Allegedly, the cervix-opening procedure is supposed to be gentler on your body and better for when you try to have more children later on. I told the doctors that I really didn't think it mattered since this was going to be my 3rd D&C in 8 years due to tissue not passing when the pregnancy self-termed. I knew what to expect as far as the surgical D&C.

Then they threw this procedure for the cervix at me. Yikes. They stick Laminaria, or seeweed sticks into the opening of your cervix - as many as the doctor feels is appropriate to help open it - as the sticks swell and soften the cervix. They each have a loop and are all tied together as they hang from your cervix. I talked to the nurse at North Perinatal Clinic at the hospital and they said likely to expect cramping, possibly some discharge, but if tissue and bright red blood, to head directly to the ER - meaning my cervix is dilated enough and is trying to pass the fetus without assistance from medical personnel. This would be me, RUNNING to the ER.

So as I ly in bed on Thursday night talking to Dave, we had gotten past most of the heartbreak -for the moment- and I said something about how I lost two pounds from the last time I'd been to the perinatal clinic.... and I wondered if a soul was two pounds. We looked at each other. I teared up a bit. This baby was not expected, but it was wanted. It was almost like we were on borrowed time from the beginning. Were we greedy? Or stupid?

I feel stupid, after the fact, having told people - even though things were kosher and swimming along just fine. It's easier to share good news, than to share bad news and have people feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. You put on a brave face, put the "logic" chip back in your brain and explain to people that it's okay, it was unplanned, and you and your significant other are doing well and have plans to actually plan/try next time, and yes, it's never easy, but there are truthfully always others who are worse off than you are.

To the mothers out there who have gone nearly a whole pregnancy and lost their babies, who have lost them at 20 weeks, who have given birth and had a stillborn child.... I have nothing to complain about when I think about those mothers. And yes, they are still mothers.

I am still lucky in many eyes, including my own. I have a beautiful little girl who just turned 7 on Friday the 18th. I just thought that if this baby was supposed to be here, it would have been perfect for the timing. We'll always have next time, right?

27 weeks to go

Now that the room has stopped spinning and I can eat peanut butter related items again, I'm just having to deal with the fatigue. Which is normal - and believe me, I'm not complaining! Just stating a fact.

I remember when I was prego with Alli that I used to fall to sleep and it would take a foghorn in the ear to wake me up. Exhaustion was my constant companion then.... but it's mild now compared to what I remembered. Still, I'm old. I turn 29 on Sunday. Alli turns 7 on the 18th of April. Which brings me to remember what it was like when she was born and how I'm preggers again. Oy.

When Alli was born, it was by emergency c-section and I was about 27 weeks with pre-eclampsia and HELLP. She emerged at just about 1 pound, 11 and 1/2 ounces. Talk about traumatic for us both!

And so now, nearly 7 years later, I look back on her birth and promise myself and my family that this time should not be nearly so traumatic or dramatic. According to my perinatologists, I have only a 25% chance to develope pre-eclampsia again, and that knowing about any predisposition means that we are armed to take better care this time. I think a large factor that is in my favor this time is that Dave isn't asking for a divorce when I'm 6 months pregnant (as my ex husband did). *L* Stress is never good, let alone when you're pregnant. Go figure.

But... so far all is well and normal. I have my Level II ultrasound in about 6 weeks to check for additional possible issues and do a really COOL 3D picture of the baby. We should also be able to see something as to the gender as well. I'm pretty darn excited this time - Alli was a surprise, but I am too old for surprises. *L* I want to know what gender it is so we can plan ahead. No fun you say? Oh well. I have enough surprises daily with my 7 year old. *L*

Locks of Love

So much has been going on, but here's a brief story to share:

I've been trying to get to Great Clips or Fantastic Sam's to get my hair and Alli's hair cut this entire week. Since my brother was visiting, we had other things to do, and when we weren't doing those other things, I was laid low with exhaustion.

So this morning around 8:30 Alli bounces into our room and puts her cold hands on my face and giggles. Sure, Mom gets shocked awake! I admonish her, cuddle her for a minute as Dave wakes up enough to tell her she can play quietly for a bit while we "wake up". Really what he means is while we sleep for another 45 minutes.

However... since I've been pregnant, I've had a harder time getting to sleep, and falling back to sleep when I've been woken up. It's extremely annoying, believe me.

So I ly in bed and think "Hey! Fantastic Sam's opens at 9 I think..." I jiggle Dave awake around 9am and tell him Alli and I are heading out for hair cuts. He falls back asleep slightly drooling into his pillow.

Alli and I put on clothes, brushed our teeth, brushed our long, glorious locks, and headed out.

We had a 20 minute wait, but nothing major at Fantastic Sam's. The gals there were extremely friendly and all spoke English (major bonus!).

Alli went first and the gal who cut her hair asked if we wanted to "donate" after I showed her the shorter hair cut I was thinking of for Alli. I looked at her and said, "Eh... sure!" She went on to explain that they need at least 10 inches to qualify for a Locks of Love donation that they can send in for us. I told them heck yeah, take it!

Alli now has a much shorter and more manageable look for herself - one that she can certainly help more with than her nearly butt length hair previously. She likes it; I think she's adorable.

Next it was my turn. I looked at my salon person, Patty, and told her to take ten inches off as well. She was stunned! My hair, too, is butt length. Suffice it to say that I now have a much shorter, more free-floating hairstyle. Right at where my neck and my back meet. My hair hasn't been this short since when I was pregnant with Alli I think....

So we had a great time, donated to Locks of Love, and then went up to the counter to pay. The gal, Patty, looked at us blankly and said "Oh, since you both donated today, the haircuts are free!"

I was STUNNED.

Imagine doing something because it feels good knowing that your hair is going to help others and then getting a free haircut and NOT EXPECTING IT.
It was a wonderful surprise. Now I know that our hair goes to help children who have/are going through chemo and suffer from alopecia areata. :)

To find out more: http://www.locksoflove.org/

103.9

no, the above is not a new radio station.

it's the temp that dave reached all by his talented self last night despite ibuprofen, and other 'nsaids' - then i took kathleen's advice and shoved some acetaminophen down his gullet and his fever started dropping.

and a nice cool bath where i put buckets of water over his head while he breathed in through clenched teeth.

he has the flu.

and i am exhaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssssttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddd.
and i have to work tomorrow.

and he is doing better. thankfully. but i am pooped.